Thursday, August 7, 2008
I yearn for a heavenly country, where I will be free from sin and sinful desires and temptation. But this life is what God has called me to! Not to sin, but "for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." It is such a gain. I used to think if I died without being married or having a family or a career or whatever, I would be disappointed. But now I am so aware of how little that matters! Sure, I'm still going to desire a family, a husband to love me--because that is how God has created me as a woman. But what I want more than any of that, by God's grace and God's grace alone, is to know my Father as He knows me! My flittery heart jumps from one fantastical dream to another, soaring on a fake high before crashing miserably to the earth. But God, His love is like a magnet; my soul is inextricably drawn back to it. I am repulsed by the things that are similar to me and drawn to my soul's polar opposite--Christ, "where true joys are to be found." Where I am weak, there He is powerful (2 Corinthians 12:9-10); where I am foolish, there He is wise (1 Corinthians 1:18-25); where I am proud, there He is humble (Mark 10:45); where I am ugly, there He is beautiful (Psalm 27:4); where I am fearful, there He is victorious (Isaiah 12:2, Joshua 1:9, Philippians 4:6-7, Psalm 37:4); where I am lost, there He is light (Psalm 119:105); where I am tired, there He is my strength (Isaiah 40:28-31); where I can do nothing, there He can do everything (Philippians 4:13, Matthew 19:26); where I am in chains, there He breaks them (Romans 5:18-21, Romans 6:17-19); where I die, there He lives (Romans 6:8-11); where I am conquered, there He conquers all things (Romans 8:37-39). Thank God for saving us from death and bringing us into life!